I stood in the wedding photos
For the first time
On my own
My daughter a bridesmaid
Set in a different place
Foreshadowing the new path
Her own journey that she has already embarked upon
That I must step back from and let her take
Moments like these
I know it sounds so silly
But these poses
These constructs
These wedding photos
Crystalise
They throw into sharp relief the minutia
The details of this time in our lives
The love that our grandparents still hold for each other
Feeling
The chasm between living and lost whilst gripping his walking stick lightly
Another
Feeling
She tenderly brushes the cuff of his sleeve in his wheelchair there
The glances each of us throw over to one another as we wait
In formation
How many of these exchanges will be erased
And how many will slip through the net of the editing eye
As my parents stand together squeezing fingers tightly
As the newlyweds stick close
Cemented together firmly by the ritual spell
Of the promises they have just made
For the first time ever I stand
In the wedding photos
On my own
And I look down at my shoes
Consumed
By a wave of fear and fraustration and confusion
That does ebb
But I ride on the tails of it all day
And I look up and I smile
Once I wrote about him catching me
Not in a heroic sweep
Scooping me up for protection
To be coddled and cosseted
No
Just to be set back
On my own
Two Feet
Steady now
For the first time ever
I stand
In the wedding photos
On my own
Because in those photos with my baby girl cuddled close into me
I was always going to have to let her go
Because in those others with a boyfriend with a husband all arms around me
There was no guarantee that would stay
Steady now
Because sometimes in order to move forward
Even when it is terrifying
We need to stand
For a minute
Or sometimes longer
We need to stand
Not alone
But on our own
Steady our selves first
To be ready to catch
And to set right
The ones that we cherish throughout our lives