Sometimes
When the light shines in through the window
In my bedroom
It brings joy
Happy to see you there in the morning glow
Ready to see the day begin
To stream in and
Start birds singing in the branches just outside
Sometimes
When the light shines in through the window
I’m not at all
Ready to be roused or to rise for yet another school run
Popping toast and always rushing
The day beginning without me
I struggle to catch up
Catch my breath in the coughing queues of morning traffic
Sometimes
When the light shines in through the window
In my bedroom
The mourning light
My insides keen and I am paralysed
With a melancholic grief I am unable to shake
And I lay there
All the hours awake chasing the sunlight across the ceiling
Until it dips low and burns out
The Mourning Light
Can seem far too strong throwing everything into such sharp relief that it cuts
But never reaching inside
To caress that dull heavy hole that
Compresses and distorts
A vicious singularity pulling apart the insides
Placing happiness in another dimension
Space and time
Inaccessible
I suspect that
The Mourning light
Will live around the corner from the rising sun
For the rest of my natural life
I used to hope it would never visit
But I now I know better
I throw open my curtains
And feel that sun on my face
Taking the chance
Prepared to write off the day.