My knees buckled
From the weight of everything
I had been carrying for months and
Other things that I didn’t realise until later
I had been carrying for years
I reached for his hand
But it was no where near
I reached for his hand
But it was reaching elsewhere
My knees buckled
Because he kicked the backs of them
Kneecaps shooting forward
One and then the other unbalanced
And over I went
But instead of reaching for the floor
I reached for his hand
But it was no where near
I reached for his hand
But found only air
Air so thin it sent me light headed for a while
And I hallucinated better solutions
And I was visited by ghosts of the hopes that we all had
And visions of the future we might have seen
But when I reached for his hand it was no where near
When I reached for his hand it was reaching elsewhere
And I was floored by this
I was floored by it all
And I lay there for a while in a state of shock
Sobbing and shivering and wishing for change and wishing to sink
Below the roots of the trees my roots
Beneath the facts of reality
To disappear into dust, soil and lint
Dissipate quietly only catching the light when the sun hit me
Just right
And there in the dark in the cold
In flight
I suddenly realised
That from down here you could see the whole world turn
And it was so much bigger than all of this
The stars spun their trails above me for a while and the moon pulled the tide
Turned things on their head
From down here you can see the big sky
Open right up above you
Open your eyes
My perspective shifted and I suddenly realised
My perspective shifted
And I suddenly realised
That in this time spent grubbing around on the floor
And re-emerging like a spring bulb
Reaching for the sky from the damp soil
Feet tangled in the roots my own roots
That although my knees had buckled
The caps had shot forward and supported my fall
And from a strong and grounded base
With the whole sky at my disposal
I had been reaching for his hand
But I had found something better
I had been reaching for his hand
But other fingers had caught me
Friends and family
And my own sturdy knees
I had been reaching for his hand
But I had found something better
I had been reaching for his hand
But when I looked over at where it should have been
My Perspective shifted
And I suddenly realised
My knees buckled
And as I dropped in full trust of them
I got trapped by the bluest of blues
A big sky wrapped up and personified
In the eyes that watch me
Teasing me back towards my self
In these new hands that guide me
Teasing me back towards my self.
I reached for his hand
And his fingers found the spaces between my own
My knees buckled
And we knelt in reverence
I reached for his hand
And realised it had been there for some time
And it was time
To let it go.
