I am thinking of starting a performance/poetry/spoken word night and really feeling like some of my words need to be set free in this context. So as a small beginning here is a very small selection some of the things i have written to be read aloud that are unconnected to any of the other work I am making at the moment. Some old, some new. As always feedback is welcome. Enjoy!
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I love you I said,
And he said
Well he said
He
Said.
Nothing
I love you I said
And he said
He said
Nothing
He just sat there like a stone
Except
Not like a stone
Because he was too hollow to be heavy inside.
I love you I said
And he said
He said nothing
He just looked around the room as if he was trying to see everything
Every thing apart from me.
I love you I said
And he said
He did say
I love you too
But then he sat so silent
That it was almost as if
He had said
Nothing
I love you I said
And he said nothing
He just sat there like a stone
Like a hollow stone
And I was desperate to smash him open somehow
To prove that he was still so beautiful inside
Crystals refracting so much light all round the rooms of our home
And there,
A beating heart
With my own love wrapped all around it
Not a shroud
Not a soul made of dust.
I love you I said
And he said nothing
And I know this about myself
That I have so much love
That where I see a vacuum of it
I can always find some to pour in and fill the space.
But this singularity that has opened up inside of him is yawning wide
I love you I said
And he said nothing
As I tried to fill that hollowness with that love
As I filled it with tears
After all these years
I still love you I said
And he said
Nothing
He just sat there like a stone
With no cracks
To help to try and prize him open
With no breath inside
No oxygen to ignite
Not even a tiny spark
And begin to light up what was there before
Because it was
There
Before.
I love you I said
Even as this stone might seem a stranger
I could still see him in there
And I could see him searching my eyes
To try
To try and see himself.
I love you I said
And he said
Well he did say
I love you too
But he sat there so silent
That he might as well have said
Nothing.
…………………………….
My fingers curled into your hair
And time turned into treacle
Soft and slow pouring and sweet
My Fingers curled into your hair
In the morning
Like a tactile little prayer
My fingers curled into your hair
And each relaxed breath coaxed me quietly
To sink a little deeper into the sheets
My fingers curled into your hair
In the morning
And my skin began to sing like I had never been touched before
My fingers curled into your hair
If I close my eyes I feel them there still
And the exquisite anticipation
As my own breath quickens
My fingers curled into your hair
Wishing to draw you closer
To bend my lips towards yours for a kiss
My fingers curled into your hair
In the morning
And your fingers traced the edges of my skin and I felt it filling up with life.
My fingers curled into your hair
And I could feel myself beginning to evaporate
As I trembled with ripples of pleasure
My fingers Curled into your hair
In the Morning
And I left a little piece of myself behind in
A moment of perfect happiness
Just still, quiet, cosy and
Cherished
There
My fingers
Curled
Into your hair.
…………………………………..
My lungs and legs are heavy
My lungs and legs are heavy
But I manage one foot in front of the other.
My lungs and legs are heavy
But I manage to lift myself from bed somehow
And put one foot in front of the other
My lungs and legs are heavy
And it feels like someone has sliced out the front bit of my brain
But I manage to lift myself from bed somehow
And put one foot in front of the other.
My lungs and legs are heavy
And I find it hard to focus
Because it feels like someone has sliced out the front bit of my brain
But I manage to lift myself from bed somehow
And put one foot in front of the other.
My lungs and legs are heavy
And I am looking at you right here next to me but you seem so far away
And I find it hard to focus
Because it feels like someone has sliced out the front bit of my brain
But I manage to lift myself from bed somehow
And put one foot in front of the other.
My lungs and legs are heavy
And the words tumble from my mouth but I haven’t heard them properly in my head
And I am looking at you right here next to me but you seem so far away
And I find it hard to focus
Because it feels like someone has sliced out the front bit of my brain
But I manage to lift myself from bed somehow
And put one foot in front of the other.
My lungs and legs are heavy
And what you are saying sounds like water
And the words tumble from my mouth but I haven’t heard them properly in my head
And I am looking at you right here next to me but you seem so far away
And I find it hard to focus
Because it feels like someone has sliced out the front bit of my brain
But I manage to lift myself from bed somehow
And put one foot in front of the other.
My lungs and legs are heavy
But I dragged them for a walk in the dark the other day
And what you are saying sounds like water
And the words tumble from my mouth but I haven’t heard them properly in my head
And I am looking at you right here next to me but you seem so far away
And I find it hard to focus
Because it feels like someone has sliced out the front bit of my brain
But I manage to lift myself from bed somehow
And put one foot in front of the other.
My lungs and legs are heavy
But I dragged them for a walk in the dark the other day
The fog was thick and should have been frightening but it felt like my insides were out
And what you are saying sounds like water
And the words tumble from my mouth but I haven’t heard them properly in my head
And I am looking at you right here next to me but you seem so far away
And I find it hard to focus
Because it feels like someone has sliced out the front bit of my brain
But I manage to lift myself from bed somehow
And put one foot in front of the other.
In the dark the other day
The fog was thick and should have been frightening but it felt like my insides were out
And I kind of liked that
Because sometimes it is nice to be brought face to face with it
And I am a visual thinker
And sometimes when your insides are out
It is painful
But it is also a reminder
That you are still alive.
In the dark the other day
The fog was thick and should have been frightening but it felt like my insides were out
And I kind of liked that
And everyone was squinting through the haze with me
My lungs and legs are heavy
But I dragged them for a walk in the dark the other day
The fog was thick and should have been frightening but it felt like my insides were out
And what you are saying sounds like water
But I try to lift the smile on my face
I try to make it spill into my eyes
And the words tumble from my mouth but I haven’t heard them properly in my head
And I am looking at you right here next to me but you seem so far away
And I find it hard to focus
Because it feels like someone has sliced out the front bit of my brain
But I manage to lift myself from bed somehow
And put one foot in front of the other.
I try to lift the smile on my face
I try to make it spill into my eyes
Because I do not walk this earth
As lonely as I feel sometimes
And I owe it to you
To take a swim in your words that feel like water
And I promise
I am listening
But I find it hard to focus
Because it feels like someone has sliced out the front bit of my brain
And I am looking at you right here next to me but you seem so far away
But I promise I am listening.
I went for a walk in the dark the other day
The fog was thick and should have been frightening but it felt like my insides were out
And sometimes when your insides are out
It is painful
But it is also a reminder
That you are still alive.
Although right now
I am Numb
I am Numb
I am Numb
And I would do anything to feel
I cannot even feel the soft touch of water in the air as I walk through the mist
Through the fog
And it feels like my insides are out
And I drag my own entrails through the streets behind me
And still I don’t feel a thing
Nothing makes a dent
But I promise I am listening
Its just that my insides are out and I know that it is painful
But it isn’t registering
The fog is thick and it stops the pain receptors receiving messages
Or love letters from my lonely limbs
Left out there in the dark
And I find it hard to focus
Because it feels like someone has sliced out the front bit of my brain
And what you are saying sounds like water
But I try to lift the smile on my face
I try to make it spill into my eyes
And I am looking at you right here next to me but you seem so far away
And my lungs and legs are heavy
But I manage to lift myself from bed somehow
And put one foot in front of the other.